


Measuring Mortality

by Kiwiinlondon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Falling In Love, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Unrequited Love, War, Wizarding Wars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 22:34:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7988599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiwiinlondon/pseuds/Kiwiinlondon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the midst of the first wizarding war, and after a girl is found unconscious in a bathroom, Hogwarts is deemed no longer safe. The lives of Lily, Marauders, and friends are turned upside down as they struggle to deal with the threats of the world outside Hogwarts. Romance, Mystery and the regular Hogwarts drama ensured, while keeping to canon with realistic characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Measuring Mortality

**Author Notes**

1 - I've tried to keep this as canon as possible. However, some of the dates may be a little out of whack, etc. I've also made some characters like Bertha Jorkins the same year as The Marauders (canon says she was a bit older).

2 - All OCs are my own.

3 - This fan fiction is about 70 per cent complete. For those of you, like me, who are a little apprehensive to commit to a story in case it gets abandoned, I can assure you it won't – well, not for another 650 odd pages anyway.

4 - I really really do love reviews! Maybe more than I should ;)

* * *

**_Prologue_ **

**_September 1st, 1976, Hogwarts_ **

The first coat of lipstick went on perfectly, despite the girl's wobbly hands, and the absence of a mirror. It flew with an easy glide, but didn't feel sufficient. The girl applied a second, knowing the deep red colour would get darker and bolder. With a third coating, the red would be a few shades darker than blood; the desired effect. At the same time, the girl replaced the lippy lid, and pressed her lips together, softly. Without a care, she let the lipstick drop to the floor, telling herself that she would fix it in the morning.

Catherine Laurent ran her hands through her long black hair, and surveyed the room as she descended down the staircase. The Gryffindor party was well-underway. The drinks stand provided by Sirius Black was crowded; music was blaring, and people were dancing to the quick beat of the drum and bass of a muggle rock band. You could say Catherine Laurent, or Catty, as some people called her, was in her natural habitat. The loud music, often seen as offensive and tiresome to some, was her first choice in sound; the large mass of people was a perfect example of her key philosophy that she liked to apply to all aspects of her life: the more the merrier; and, of course, there was Catty's drug of preference: alcohol.

Knowing better than to attempt at reaching the crowded drinks stand where girls went not only for the alcohol, but also the view as Sirius Black was looking his usual handsome self, Catherine dug into her dress pockets, and pulled out her trusty hipflask. She took a large swig that even the heaviest drinkers would have been proud of. Catherine wasn't so proud of one of her many wasted talents; to her, drinking was as much a requirement as it was a pleasure.

Having never been one to get herself down, Catherine took a second swig, which was as necessary as the first, and then shoved the hipflask into the pockets around her waist. The flask fitted so nicely in the pockets, and moulded into Catherine's small figure; it was as if it was a part of her.

Catherine strolled forward, slowly. She moved with her hips, and continued to survey the room as she walked across it. When she arrived at the portrait hole, it opened, revealing her friend, who had been waiting patiently for Catherine to let her in.

"About time, Catty! What were you doing in there, washing your hair?" Bertha Jorkins muttered, with a roll of her eyes. Bertha was leaning up against a vacant piece of wall in-between the Fat Lady and a portrait of Sir Douglas, the famous Wizarding explorer. From the look of her, she too had already started drinking. To prove this theory correct, she shook her left pocket, and winked at Catherine, knowingly. If she was trying to be subtle about the contraband, Bertha was failing miserably.

"Settle. You haven't missed anything. No one but the third years are even beyond their second bottle yet." Catherine said, with a knowing smile. It didn't seem that long ago that she and Bertha had been as ignorant as said third years.

"Good. Still time to get absolutely wasted then," remarked Bertha. Getting drunk, Catherine knew, was Bertha's main aim at most parties, and one of the reasons she'd chosen the Gryffindor party to attend, as opposed to her own. Everyone knew Sirius Black was an expert at sourcing alcohol.

Catherine made a movement, inviting Bertha into the portrait. It took a few moments for Bertha to gather herself and release herself from the wall. Out of the corner of Catherine's eyes, she saw the Fat Lady roll her eyes. Bertha, unlike Catherine, wore every sip of alcohol that she had drunk that night already: her poorly done make up was sprawled across her face like a painting done by a child; her mousy brown hair was yanked to one side, and her skirt didn't fit her properly. Catherine didn't see any of this. That was the beauty of alcohol. Catherine simply saw Bertha, perhaps her one true friend within the confinements of Hogwarts.

"Come on, love," smiled Catherine, warmly, as Bertha passed her with a stumble. "Let's fix your make up before we show this crowd what we're made of. Besides, Black is in there – you don't want him seeing you like this, believe me."

The girls scattered through the portrait hole and returned to the loud music and crowds once Catherine had made quick work of Bertha's face. Catherine linked arms with Bertha, and took a long swig from another one of her hipflasks, this one containing a different substance. As they reached the middle of the room, Catherine was still swigging away, and could feel the contents of her flask beginning to run low. The beautiful girl stopped, pocketed the flask and began to dance with Bertha next to her. The alcohol blurred everything else for Catherine. She did not see a large group of fourth years looking at her with a mixture of shock and admiration; nor did she notice the new Head Boy, Frank Longbottom, give her numerous frowning looks (although he did not care enough about her antics to ever come up and say anything). Catherine failed to notice the change in music – from loud to louder. After a while, when Bertha and her other friends disappeared to the alcohol table to top up their flasks, and to flirt with Sirius Black no doubt, Catherine didn't even notice she was dancing alone. She kept on moving her hips in time to the beat, never once thinking to slow down.

An hour later, before the party had even begun, mainly to the fact that Lily Evans had yet to surface, and after all, why do you think James Potter would organise a party in the first place?, Catherine left the dance floor. Needing a break, she stumbled towards the exit, smiling at passer-by's as she walked. One of the boys she'd smiled at simply gawked at her, like the rest of them, as she walked on by. Although he had seemed nicer, as if he was gawking with an overwhelming sense of sympathy, and not at her large chest. Catherine's feet were still tapping in time with the music as she left, almost unnoticed.

The ladies' bathroom was freezing at night time, and Catty regretted her choice of attire. Nevertheless, her bathroom stop was critical. She mightn't need the loo; instead, a mirror. Having sobered up a tad since her last drink, Catherine managed to survey herself somewhat clearly. Her waves of almost black hair had maintained its perfection, as had her carefully applied make up. Her dress remained creaseless, and yet, she felt somehow inadequate. Catherine grabbed the hem of her dress, ruffled it, and hoped creases would form, just so she would have a reason for feeling such a way. The black fifties-style dress was not as comfortable or as moulding as her hipflask; it simply was not her. It was an old thing, something one stuffs into the back of their wardrobe, not having the heart to ever throw it out.

Catherine dug into the pockets of her dress, which there were two. If her memory served her right in her drunken state, there should be a pin inside. As she thought, she pulled out exactly what she had been looking for. A small silver cat pin. She held it flat in her palm, and all of a sudden, the whirlwind of emotions that came with being an infatuated fourth year came flooding back to the girl. The cat symbolised everything. Everything good about her life was in the pin, gifted to her by the boy from long ago. Like the dress, she never wore it, but also would never dare to throw it out. Fighting back unwanted emotions, Catherine remembered the comedy behind the pin. He had given it to her that summer night long ago, claiming like her swim suit, it was pretty, but wouldn't do much to cover her up. It was supposed to be good luck – an ironic joke between the two of them, as cats were seen my many to mean just the opposite. But for them, cats had only ever brought promising things. The last time she had worn the pin, the last time she had even thought about him, was exactly four weeks after he had gifted it to her – and she had been wearing the overdramatic 50's dress. It had fitted her perfectly then.

The nostalgia having gotten the better of her, Catty pinned the cat on her cardigan collar. She surveyed her reflect, feeling happier with how she looked now more than she had done in the last two years. Catherine did a double glance in the mirror, only to find that she was not alone.

She wondered how long the figure had been standing there, but forgot her questions after a few quick seconds. It didn't matter how long the person had been there, or even why. Catty realized quickly that the only thing that mattered is how long she, herself, would be here.

 

* * *

 

 

**Chapter One - Sombre Sixth Year**

 

Lily Evans was running late. Her watch was pounding against her wrist, as if reminding her that she was ten minutes late for her Prefect's duties. Lily didn't need reminding, she'd spent the last half an hour tossing whether to go or not. There was another pressing matter that she had to attend to this very evening – something one could argue is more important than patrolling the Hogwart's corridors.

She had agreed to meet a friend – or an acquaintance – or as her friends called him – a pain in the arse. Whatever he was, she had said she'd meet him. He didn't deserve it, but unlike him, Lily kept her word.

Lily did a double-take, as if her feet were questioning her decision to meet her childhood friend, Severus Snape. Despite herself, she kept walking, and with every step, questioned her actions. Being doubtful of herself was a foreign concept to Lily; she knew this because her friends and dorm mates did doubt themselves, and it drove Lily mental. It was always over the simplest things too: what colour jeans should I wear today? Shall I have porridge or toast for breakfast, shall I see Steve or John this weekend (her roommate, Dorcas, ended up going with both).

Lily's thoughts had let her drift, and before she knew it, she was standing opposite her appointment; he had been waiting for her by their usual meeting place, the entry to the dungeons.

Severus Snape was standing in the dark gloom of his dungeon home, and watched with wide eyes as Lily stopped in front of him.

"You came," Severus said, instantly. His tone of shock was evident in his voice. The sixth year Slytherin boy looked nervous, and was leaning with his back against a nearby pillar, as if scared his own feet couldn't support his weight.

"I said I would," answered Lily, grumpily. She hated how miserably she sounded. She never used to speak with such anger, unless it was directed at her sister, Petunia. She never dreamed that she'd be talking like this with Severus. "I mean, of course I did," she corrected herself, this time much more pleasantly.

She surveyed her friend. He had grown about a foot over the summer. Lily guessed he'd had a haircut, as his slightly greasy hair was shorter than what it had been last year. His face had lengthened a bit, but to Lily, he still looked like the same Severus she had met six years ago.

"Did you get any of my letters?" Snape asked, eagerly.

"Yes. All 25 of them, Severus." Lily hadn't opened a single one, let alone replied, an act, looking back, she realised may have been a little harsh.

"You didn't reply, is all…" Severus muttered.

"If you must know, I wasn't home much this summer."

"Where were you?" he asked, failing to hide his immense curiosity.

"With Brian."

"All summer?" he asked, nervously.

"What did your letters say, Sev?" persisted Lily. She already knew what they would have said. It didn't take much imagination to venture an educated guess.

"Nothing much," muttered Snape, sheepishly. "I asked if you'd thought about what I said last year anymore."

Lily didn't need Severus to remind her. Being called a mudblood by one of her best friends wasn't something she had forgotten. Severus had pleaded with her for the last few weeks of term, but Lily had refused to even speak one word to him. On the last day of school, he had asked her to reconsider over the summer, and that he wanted to be friends again. Lily had thought about the offer everyday since. In fact, she had intended to come to meet him tonight to tell him that she couldn't do it – she couldn't forgive him and that they would never be friends again.

But looking at him now, in his tatty robes, stupid haircut, and hopeful expression, Lily hadn't the heart to deliver any form of rejection. All she saw was the eleven year old boy who had accepted her.

"I forgive you," Lily said, suddenly. She knew it wasn't wise, but she didn't care. She and Severus had been friends all through Hogwarts. She simply couldn't imagine her sixth year without him – and this year they were both prefects too!

"You do?" Snape asked, shocked.

"Yes, but Severus, I swear – don't ever do anything as stupid as that again. I don't care what you and Potter do to each other, just don't involve me…"

"Lily, I swear…you have my word."

"Let's just go back to how things were, okay? Let's not speak of it again."

"I-I…," Snape stumbled, "Okay. Can I walk you to the Great Hall? I think dessert is still being served."

Lily finally smiled, gave her friend a small punch in the arm, and nodded. Together, they walked off in the direction of the Great Hall, Lily's prefect duties forgotten.

Meanwhile, while Lily was dining on the last of the desserts with Snape, Remus was patrolling the corridors with Frank and Alice Longbottom, the Headboy and girl. The prefects meeting hadn't been the same without Lily. It was always she who took the notes delivered by the Heads; this time, he had to do the work. It wasn't for the first time he was questioning exactly why Dumbledore had made him Prefect. He really was doing a useless job.

Alice and Frank had been kind enough to offer to patrol with Remus tonight, although now Remus was regretting his decision to let them join. It seemed Remus was an unofficial referee in their relationship. As the trio headed downstairs to the second floor, Frank questioned him about yet another one of their relationship dramas.

"Lupin," he said, with a grin. "Please would you tell Alice that it is perfectly acceptable for a guy to wear bedsocks to bed when it is cold?"

"Uh, I…I really don't know," Remus muttered quickly, after receiving a sharp stare from Alice. "Maybe if it's really cold…"

The pair of them appeared to not have heard Remus, and continued to bicker. Remus was used to it. Anyone living in Gryffindor had heard Alice and Frank argue. Of course, they had also witnessed them in their peaceful times, which Remus had to credit them, happened a lot more often.

"Bedsocks are horrible, Frank. Especially yours. My Great Aunt Stephanie has some almost identical."

"Bollocks! There is nothing wrong with clouds on socks. Now you're just being silly," Frank retorted, as they rounded another corner. Remus spotted two younger students with about a dozen flying Frisbees, which were technically contraband. However, it was several corridors later before he had got the attention of either Frank or Alice (who were now arguing about what way to spend this weekend). Remus sighed; the weekend seemed so far away. Heck, finishing patrol tonight seemed so far away.

"Alright, time out," Alice declared, suddenly. Remus looked hopeful. "I need the bathroom." She nodded at the boys, and headed around the corner, to the nearest girl's bathrooms.

"Do me a favour and wait a couple of years before you get a girl, Lupin. I tell you, they're a handful," Frank commented.

Remus nodded. If Frank and Alice could teach him anything, it would be this. Although Remus knew if they were particularly lovey-dovey tonight, that his opinion may be different. Truth was Remus had never seriously considered ever dating; it just wasn't a possibility for him with his condition. He surveyed Frank, having to look up to do so. Frank Longbottom was tall, lanky, and a tad goofy looking. He reminded Lupin of a cartoon character who always had the funny lines. Frank looked so much older than Remus; in fact, Remus felt like a third year, not a sixth year prefect. Perhaps it was the height thing – or the small amount of facial hair that Frank was growing (which happened to be the subject of another argument between the pair), but Remus knew it was the fact that Frank and Alice had been dating for three years now – the longest couple to last at Hogwarts, unless you counted Filch and his cat.

Remus was about to reply to Frank, to confirm that no such relation with a girl was on the horizon for him, when a loud scream erupted from around the corner.

"Alice!" Frank called at once. The boys took off around the corner at the race of knots. The girl's bathroom door was in sight, but before they could get to it, the door opened, and out poured Alice. She was distraught, and collapsed on the floor at seeing Frank and Remus. She was still screaming when Frank and Remus got to her.

"Alice, what is it?" Frank asked her. He didn't try to pick her up, but got down on the floor with her, grabbed her by the arms and tried to calm her down. Nothing he did, or said, could soothe her.

Remus didn't need to wait for Alice to speak. He had stuck his head inside the bathroom, and froze at what he saw. There, spread out on the floor, eyes wide ablaze with a petrified look on her face, was Catherine Laurent. She was still dressed in her party dress, lipstick on perfectly. Remus doubled back and slide down the nearest wall. His eyes were wide with shock, and suddenly, every action he did afterwards became a hazy memory.

Alice's screams had quietened to sobs. He could hear Frank yelling things, no doubt towards him. Perhaps getting help would be…well, helpful. But Remus couldn't think about that right now, let alone think about standing up. Eventually he felt someone grab his arm and pull him closer to Alice. Frank was talking, no doubt telling him to stay with Alice. Remus was vaguely aware of him pelting down the corridor as if he was on an invisible broomstick. Remus grabbed hold of Alice – if it was her arm, leg, or back, he could not tell.

Catherine – Catherine Laurent – a girl he knew, but had never gotten to know, lay before him. What was this? Was she asleep? Stunned?

Was she dead?

Fifteen minutes later, Remus was perched in a seat in Dumbledore's office. The chair, which in reality was probably quite comfy, felt offensive, and Remus found himself on edge. This was the eleventh, and probably not the last, time he had been in Dumbledore's office. Out of those times, only one had been good news, and that was the congratulations on becoming prefect (a decision, Remus knows, Dumbledore probably regrets).

He felt isolated, as if his chair was an island. Frank had taken Alice to the hospital wing to be calmed down. Before Dumbledore and McGonagall had arrived, she had entered into a state of hysteria at seeing a body so mangled – so cold – so dead-like. It was now up to Remus to give an account of what had happened. He did not need a hospital like Alice, but he was kidding himself if he said he was fine.

"Mr Lupin, I must ask you for your memories," Dumbledore began, with an apprehensive look, as Remus knew his face must be stone-white. Remus simply nodded, knowing how important this was, and how little time they had. "Start with the Gryffindor party," said Dumbledore, kindly.

"You mean the rule-breaking Gryffindor party?" said Remus, with a gulp. He felt sick; he had helped organized the party.

Dumbledore nodded. "Don't feel too guilty, Mr. Lupin. It may console you to know that every house had one this year. Start from the beginning, if you will. No detail is too small."

Remus gulped, but pulled himself together. Last night's party was fresh in his mind, and he recalled it like he was living it.

It had begun with an ambitious, and hopeful, James Potter.

"Not just a party," James had declared in a matter-of-fact tone to his three friends as they dined at the welcoming feast. "…this party will set the mood of the whole year."

Remus hadn't bought James' sale pitch for a second. Parties erupted in the common room only too often, and all of them failed at having any lingering impressions. If there was anything to remember from them, it was all bad; like who threw up, or who kissed who, or what happened to the grandfather clock that used to sit by the fireplace. Often, it was difficult to piece together the entire night. As far as Remus was concerned, Gryffindor parties were black holes.

Of course, James had a secret agenda – or many, actually. The mood he referred to was that of rule-breaking, and the official marauder record on how long it took for McGonagall to get out of bed to tell them off. Sirius held the record, for the time he'd set off a loud array of fireworks in the common room, successfully lighting a first year girls' hair on fire. Sirius still swore McGonagall must have apparated to the common room, even though that was impossible.

The second agenda, of course, was the desire for alcohol, which Remus failed to understand, as James had just come off from an entire summer filled of drinking his father's collection of whisky's.

The third, Remus knew, was to make an impression. On everyone, as James loved an audience. And, if Lily Evans happened to notice him, it wasn't entirely a bad thing. Although Remus had doubts if Prongs holding a bottle in one hand, one of Sirius' cigarettes in the other, whilst talking non-sense, or staring at a nearby girls chest, or both, would do him any favours with Lily Evans. She'd probably just scoff at him.

"You just want another reason to drink before classes start," Peter Pettigrew had said, although his tone suggested this wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

"There doesn't need to be a reason to throw a good cracker, you know," Sirius mentioned. The dark-haired boy was chewing food, and took his time to swallow. To anyone who did not know Sirius Black, it may have seemed like Sirius was considering his next words with careful consideration, as if they were to mean a great deal, as if he just couldn't find the right words to say. "Let's just do whatever the fuck we want." Of course, those that were familiar with Sirius Black, knew better.

"What happens if the first years get their grubby paws on the alochol?" Remus pointed out.

"Who cares," shrugged Sirius, as he chewed down on more dessert, not bothering to look up from his plate.

"The prefect who has to clean up their mess does," commented Remus quickly. Despite this, he shrugged and helped implement the plans at the dinner table. They were loud enough to let nearby Gryffindor's overhear, but kept it under a hat in case McGonagall was wise enough to watch them.

"Pete, your job is to watch McGonagall," James had ordered, with a smirk.

By nine that night, a healthy crowd was surrounding the drinks table and people were starting to dance or at the very least stand up and sway to the music that was playing. By this time, many empty bottles were littered over the common room, which had probably been a factor in helping people off their seats and into swaying, for Remus watched as John Tuff, a stocky, quiet fifth year, was swaying enthusiastically whilst cradling a bottle of liquor as it were his child.

James had been on his sixth drink by then. He held the bottle by the neck, and swigged the liquid around. Sirius was talking to him, while monitoring the drinks stand simultaneously, as he promised Remus he would. Sirius would hit James with his own bottle whenever he caught his friend peering over Sirius' shoulder in case Lily Evans decided to come downstairs. Meanwhile, Peter was challenging third years to a drinking game, and was winning.

Remus watched his friends from the sofa. When a third year threw up out of the window to the sound of Sirius' barking laughter, Remus had told Sirius no more sugary drinks for the boy, for he knew if McGonagall happened to be looking out of her office window, she would have seen flying vomit sail past in the night sky.

Remus had seen Catherine dancing in the middle of the floor. She looked to be having a good time. He watched her from a distance. She of course, was beautiful. Stunning, actually. However, that seemed to be the extent of his knowledge on her. She was in some of his classes, but he never paid her much mind. She was something pretty to stare at when he got lost in potions. Catherine was obviously drunk last night, but Remus didn't see it as a point of interest. It wasn't the first time, and well, everyone had been at least a little tipsy. Remus knew James and Sirius wouldn't let it get too out of control – detention on the first night back of school was steep, even for them.

Lily Evans hadn't arrived, but one of her roommates had. Rachel Howell arrived next to Remus, and gave him a friendly smile.

"Hello," Remus greeted the girl, merrily. Rachel Howell took Remus's cheeriness well, and shoved him with her spare arm. The other was holding a drink.

"You've grown taller, Lupin," commented the girl.

Remus grinned; he hadn't noticed. It was only Peter he beat in height in his group of friends. Rachel Howell wasn't short herself. In fact, she was the tallest Gryffindor girl. Remus only knew this because Rachel complained about it a lot. As well as her height, Rachel had blonde hair that fell beneath her shoulder blades – which Remus also knew was considered to be super, super long because her ponytail always got stuck in the straps of her satchel. At the moment, her green eyes were bright, and were accompanied by a cheerful smile dancing upon her face.

"You haven't," replied Remus, grinning. Rachel beamed, as if this was the best compliment anyone could ever give her.

"Thank you! I think I've finally stopped. Did you know that Emmeline Vance is now taller than me! I nearly hugged her when I saw her on the train."

Remus laughed, having missed Rachel's little jokes - although he hadn't been short of humour. This summer he had spent the last three weeks of it at James Potter's house. He filled Rachel in on his summer adventures, and she did the same.

"Where are your friends?" Remus asked her, once Rachel was done retelling her summer, which had consisted mostly of working at her parents' muggle cafe. He was anxious to see the rest of Rachel's dorm arrive; then James could see Lily, and perhaps everyone could get to bed before three in the morning. Remus had classes to think about, especially Potions. He felt like putting his head in his cauldron even on good days; he dreaded to think of the outcome if he couldn't keep his eyes open.

"Well, last I saw, Lily was sending an owl to Brian."

"Reynolds?" interjected Remus, politely. He'd heard a faint rumour at the end of last year that Lily Evans had been on a few dates with Brian Reynolds, a student who'd been three years ahead of them at school.

"That's the one," said Rachel. "Although I'm not sure why she's doing it tonight – she was with him for a lot of the summer. Mary's up there too – she's started reading her course books for the year. Marlene went straight from the feast to pester McGonagall about quidditch this year. I haven't seen her since, so I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.…"

"Well, they should get a move on and get down here," muttered Remus, frowning, and thinking of James.

"Yes, maybe – although Dorcas seems to be doing a good job of repressing us 6th year girls," Rachel didn't explain, and just pointed to the middle of the common room.

Dorcas Meadows was with Bertha Jorkins and Catherine Laurent. They had formed a small circle and were swaying to the music. Remus just laughed and turned back to Rachel who shrugged. Not wanting to get into the politics of the girls dormitory, Remus changed the subject quickly.

"How were your OWL results?" he asked.

"Oh fine, what I was expecting. Only got an exceeds expectations in Charms though – I stuffed up the practical again. And don't get me started on Potions – acceptable. You'd think Slughorn would ease up a bit – I tried to bribe him a little with my homemade fudge!"

"It's okay, he wasn't easy on me either…" mused Remus, quickly wanting to change the subject yet again. Potions wasn't something he ever liked to think about. "What's that you're drinking?" Remus asked, pointing to the substance in Rachel's cup that he couldn't quite distinguish.

"Just water," Rachel said, and shoved it under Remus's nose. I don't think drinking is the best idea. Not after last time…"

Remus snorted, grinning. "Hey, a lot of people threw up on those cushions. You weren't alone."

Moments later, as Rachel finished her water and Remus noticed, but did not stop, a group of fourth year boys that were trying to jinx third years, Catherine moved away from the dance floor. At spotting Rachel and Remus, she smiled at both of them, and continued walking towards the exit.

Dorcas and Bertha remained on the dance floor, and had been joined by some of their other partying friends.

"What is Bertha doing here? I didn't know this was a cross-house party?" Rachel quizzed Remus, with a frown.

"I didn't even see her come in. You know what she's like – she just appears and disappears." Remus answered, distantly.

The night continued. Rachel eventually gave in and moved towards a harder liquid substance to drink. Remus kept an eye on her, knowing she would kill him if he let her do anything foolish. Lily Evans appeared just in time to see Dorcas kiss a seventh year boy in the middle of the common room. Lily, perhaps in a good mood, congratulated James and Sirius on the successful party, however took her statement back when she saw a third year throw up behind the curtains.

"So close," she scoffed, teasingly. She left after that to help out the third year.

Remus seemed to remember every detail. Marlene McKinnon had arrived, and went straight for Rachel. The pair weren't sick on the pillows, although they both fell asleep on them. Mary McDonald made a small appearance, and was kind enough to help Marlene and Rachel to bed. Meanwhile, Catherine Laurent didn't reappear. It was three thirty before the party was silenced, by a flustered McGonagall, who barely had the heart to tell them to hush the house spirit. The last thing Remus knew was the feeling of climbing into his four-poster bed and falling asleep. The bed was his home, his safe place.

As he retold his story to Dumbledore, he frowned, and thought of Catherine had ever felt like she had a place to land, even if it was something as simple as a bed.

"Professor, can I ask what this all means?" Remus asked, uncertainly.

"Mr. Lupin, I wish I knew."

James' words rang in his ears like alarm bells, and Remus nearly threw up. _This party will set the mood of the whole year._

* * *

A Lady Should Never Run, Canter, or Gallop.

Lily Evans was doing a combination of all three. With her bag flung over one shoulder, her hands in her hair in an attempt to tie it into a ponytail, the girl dashed from corridor to corridor, late once again. It was the second day of classes, and already she was running around the castle like a mad woman. She normally liked to save the crazy running for at least term four when exams were upon her.

"Hurry up, will you!" Lily shouted behind her. She didn't bother turning her head to double check Marlene McKinnon was in fact behind her. Lily wasn't a morning person, and could sympathise with Marlene to an extent, who was in fact, almost nocturnal, but not today. "We must find him!"

"We will! We've still got ten minutes until class starts, and I promise you, Lupin's not one to line up for Potions early." Marlene answered, between heaved pants. Unlike Lily, she was making no effort to tidy her appearance. Her dark hair hadn't seen a comb for the last three days; there was no point trying to tame it now. She figured she'd let Rachel attack it tonight. "Firstly," Marlene continued, trying to reason with Lily, "Lupin hates Potions. Most importantly, when are he or his friends ever early for class. I mean, by the time they turn up, they may was well out to not have-," Marlene was cut off.

Lily had finally stopped running, and stood, fixated, in the entrance of the Great Hall. Marlene crashed into her, straightened up, and gave Lily an apologetic glance that suggested to cut her some slack.

"There he is," Lily sighed. It seemed the sight of him, knowing that he was okay, and in one piece, calmed her down. She couldn't remember feeling more awful in her entire life. If she had only gone to that stupid prefects meeting like she was supposed to. It seemed that now she had got one part of her life somewhat under control – Severus Snape – another section was about to fall apart. Frank and Alice would surely be furious at her for missing a meeting and patrol – Dumbledore might even take her badge away!

Marlene, who could sense Lily's troubles, despite having never had time for prefects, not to mention Severus Snape (Lily had decided the morning was not the best time to disclose to her friend that she had spoken to the boy she had sworn never to look at again), gave Lily a small tap on the shoulder.

"Lily, you're being far too dramatic here. Just go and explain why you weren't on patrol – say you were writing a love note to your boyfriend…Lupin is not going to care – he misses patrol all the time too, you know."

"Remus will care! And besides, I wasn't writing love notes, and Brian is hardly my boyfriend," muttered Lily, furiously. Despite being unsure of what she was going to say, Lily marched forward, hoping words would come to her.

Remus Lupin was surrounded by his usual group of friends, along with a few added extras. Dorcas Meadows was sitting next to Remus, one arm around his shoulder, and the other resting on his arm. She appeared to be consoling him.

Simultaneously, Lily gulped, feeling guilty, and Marlene scoffed.

"Who does she think she is? Madam Phomphery?" Marlene's tone was full of her usual sarcasm.

"Maybe you should stay here," Lily muttered.

"No way, I want to see what the hell she's doing…of course now she finds Lupin interesting. She'll want to be Alice's best friend next."

Marlene followed Lily towards the Gryffindor table, where the boys and Dorcas were finishing breakfast. As the girls walked down the table, they noticed everyone whispering and talking amongst themselves. They probably assumed Lily was with Frank, Alice and Remus who found Catherine. Lily ignored them, wondering if the rumour had spread, or if Dumbledore had made an official announcement she'd missed. She guessed the former; Bertha would no doubt have been informed as one of Catherine's best friends, and Lily knew that she was never one for holding a secret.

"Looks like everyone knows – bet it was Bertha," Marlene muttered, speaking Lily's exact thoughts.

Lily focused on the whispers, too scared to dig deeper into everyone else's emotions. She could see out of the corner of her eyes concerned looks from the young students, grave and anxious mutterings from the older students, and even a few tears from some.

"Remus. A word?" she muttered, softly, arriving at his spot on the table. She stood behind him. Nerves bolted through her. It was a horrible feeling to feel in the presence of a friend.

The boy turned around, and smiled faintly. Sensing Lily's nerves, he rose, much to Dorcas's displeasure, and followed Lily out of the Great Hall.

"I am so sorry," said Lily, as soon as the pair was out of earshot from anyone. "I…I'm just so sorry."

"It's fine, Lily."

"No it's not, it's really not. I should have been there. It's my job to be there."

"I am very glad you weren't, actually. It was horrible. Anyway, I assume you had a good excuse for being absent."

Lily winced. She didn't dare tell Remus the truth. "Have you heard anything else?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Nothing. Dumbledore was quick to move her body, but despite his best attempts, everyone knows already. I suspect Bertha let the cat out of the bag."

"Marlene said the same thing. She asked me to give you her best." Lily said, half-truthfully. She knew Marlene would have said something along those lines; it was unfortunate she was too busy thinking about Dorcas. Lily supposed that was Marlene's way of caring about Remus – making sure he didn't get smothered.

"Tell her likewise," Remus replied, now smiling. "Come on, we had best get to Potions and try and act normal."

"Act normal?"

"I know, I know, but we need to try. We don't know what happened, Dumbledore hasn't made any sort of announcement yet. Catherine could be fine, we don't know."

Lily felt the furthest away from normal. Catherine Laurent attacked in a bathroom she visited frequently. She tried her best to follow Lupin's advice and act how she normally would; it was the only thing that would keep her sane.

Lily got through her first dose of sixth-year potions with difficulty. Only half the class had turned up, which led to Slughorn cancelling their practical, and instead, resorted to lecturing them on his summer vacation. It wasn't like Slughorn to cancel a practical, nor was it like him to notice when people from class were missing. He usually marched to his own tune, and didn't stop to notice if Sirius Black was releasing Fireworks in class, or if Severus Snape was making his potions a different way to what the book said, and still managing to get a perfect potion.

"Slughorn was all over the place today," Marlene muttered, as her, Lily and Rachel emerged from the dungeons. "We don't know if Laurent is dead, or just stunned, or anything. Unless he knows something we don't…"

"Perhaps Dumbledore will make a speech tonight at dinner. I heard he's still questioning people about last night. Daniel told me at breakfast that Bertha was in his office for over an hour! I wonder what her side of the story is."

"So that's where you were at breakfast; at the Ravenclaw table with your good for nothing ex? I was looking for you," moaned Marlene. "I needed back up on the Dorcas front."

"Sorry. I caught Daniel staring at me, so I went over," replied Rachel, frowning slightly. The tall blonde girl readjusted her books with an apprehensive look on her face.

"You should have ignored him. What did he want this time?"

"Nothing," muttered Rachel, quickly. Lily highly doubted that was the case. Even though Daniel Jones had dumped Rachel at the beginning of their fifth year, he had managed to remain in the forefront of Rachel's life like a weed that refused to die. "He just wanted to know what I knew about Catherine."

"What did Remus say to you about it all? He was pretty quiet with me," Lily asked Rachel, trying to steer the subject away from Daniel Jones. Besides his amazing potion making skills that rivalled that even of Severus, Lily had little time for him.

Rachel repositioned her books again, her expression changing to one of deep thought. She paused for a moment, before answering, "I don't know; I haven't spoken to him."

"What?" Lily asked, her eyebrows raised.

"I haven't spoken to him," replied Rachel, plainly.

"You really should, you know. You guys are basically friends," Lily said, trying to reason with Rachel.

"You guys are friends too!" Rachel answered in fast retort.

"We only hang out because we're Prefects. You made friends with him without the help of the school system."

"Incorrect, I made friends with him because we're both dreadful at Potions. That's the school system, Lily. Anyway, I saw from the Ravenclaw table that he was surrounded this morning at breakfast."

When Lily gave her a disappointed look, and smacked Marlene's shoulder for nodding in agreement with Rachel, Rachel continued explaining, "It's not just that. I have no idea what to say to him, Alice and Frank saw Catherine too – I'm not consoling them."

"Yes, but Alice and Frank have each other. Poor Remus has no one," explained Lily. "I hardly think the likes of Black, Potter and Pettigrew are the sympathetic kind."

"Lily, come on. Guys don't need to talk about their feelings. Daniel didn't see the need this morning."

"That's because he's an emotionless git," muttered Marlene.

"Remus might. We don't know until we ask. The point is that this terrible thing has happened; Remus, Frank and Alice saw something horrible, and as Remus's friends, we should be there for him…for all of them," continued Lily.

"Okay, I'll talk to him." Rachel agreed, finally.

"Thank you, I'm afraid he might be upset with me about me not being there when I should have. Hopefully he can talk to you about it." Lily muttered.

"Don't beat yourself up too much, Lily. You weren't there because you were doing something for the sainthood status you're likely to achieve - like helping first years with the map of the castle, or yanking one of the bleeders out of the trick step," said Marlene. "You know all the shit jobs no one else does."

"I…uh, wasn't doing that."

"So you were writing letters to Brian!" laughed Rachel, giggling.

"I…I was…I…ran into someone."

"Slughorn?" Rachel continued to giggle.

"Potter?" added Marlene, with a grin.

A list erupted of all the people that could potentially hold Lily Evans up. Upon having enough, Lily exhaled the truth in an exhausted sigh. "Severus."

"Lily!" Their expressions were identical. Lily suddenly felt bad for tutting about Daniel. In her friend's eyes, Severus was just as bad.

"I thought you were done with him?" Marlene asked.

"I was…I am!" she insisted, strongly. "But he's apologised a million times…"

"—it's just words, Lily," Marlene told her, perhaps wisely.

"It was just words that started the whole thing too," Lily retorted, fairly.

"I can't believe it…you're sticking up for him," breathed Rachel, a mixture of shock and laughter evident in her tone. Lily thought that may have been a bit rich coming from her.

"I am not!" Lily insisted once again. "I'm just saying that…something terrible has happened, and I mean, now isn't the time to be shunning people away…you know?"

"Fine…fine," said Marlene, waving her hands in the air. "I wouldn't tell Mary about this though…or have you forgotten what Snape's friends did to her last year," Marlene whispered, frantically.

"I wasn't planning on telling anyone about it," Lily confessed, half annoyed at her friends, half empathetic at their concerns. "And I haven't forgotten! And I don't support it, but it wasn't Severus that did it, remember."

"Just be careful, okay," Rachel suggested, with a shrug. "If you can eventually learn to forgive him, well, Mar and I will try to as well."

"No we certainly will not!" Marlene interrupted, but was silenced by Rachel.

"Yes, we will. Until he stuffs up again, okay."

"Are you mad?" Marlene muttered.

"There's no point falling out over this. I don't think we're in a position to unnecessarily lose anyone. Just be careful, Lily. I'll give him another chance – for you."

The girls split at a fork in the road. Rachel and Marlene headed to Astronomy and Muggle Studies respectfully, and Lily to Ancient Ruins. Marlene pulled a face behind her, and Lily knew it was because Severus took Ancient Ruins with her.

"See you at dinner, okay?" Lily muttered.

Marlene tried her best to smile and nod, but ended up shaking her head and clenching her fist instead. Thankfully, Lily missed it, and headed to her class.

"I thought we were well and truly over the 'Sev' phase. I honestly did," said Marlene. "Well, at least if Lily is the next one to be attacked in the toilets, we'll know who it is. I bet this is just a ploy to get close to her again, so it doesn't look like Snape had anything to do with it."

"What? You reckon what happened to Catherine was done by someone here? That students are working for you-know-who?"

"Well, assuming someone did attack her, it had to be a student. No one can get into Hogwarts."

"But a student? Come on, not even Mulciber and his little gang are capable of that…"

"Remember third year," Marlene said, with a serious face.

Rachel did. Severus Snape, on the first night back, immediately after the feast, had tried out a new curse on James Potter – one, rumour had it, he'd invented himself.

"What if dear old Snape has been playing Mr. Inventor again, huh?" Marlene quizzed.

"But why Catherine Laurent?" Rachel shot back. "Why would anyone want to hurt her?"

* * *

Lily's day got steadily better. She and Severus had munched on chicken sandwiches down by the lake over lunch, despite it being a little chilly. He spoke of potions, and the next slugclub meeting, and she of her summer, and what she's going to do outside of Hogwarts. On this matter, Snape said nothing. Lily, who was trying to focus on the positives, did not question it, but as she walked back to the castle, alone, she began to wonder what Severus would do after Hogwarts. She certainly knew what direction his other friends were going in.

By Dinner, Lily was nervous again. She emerged from Charms laden with books, having been to the library between classes. She had told Mary, who she'd sat next to, that she was getting books out for a potion Slughorn had talked about, when the truth was, she had got out Hogwarts, A History, among others. Perhaps Bathilda Bagshot could share some light on the possibility of someone getting into the castle to attack a girl in the bathrooms.

She was heading to Great Hall to meet Marlene and Rachel for dinner, when her path was interrupted. James Potter had caught up with her. As always, despite circumstances, the handsome boy was grinning from ear to ear.

"Evans," he greeted, nodding.

Lily gazed upwards at the boy, as if he was a nearby mountain. He seemed to dangle over her like a tree shedding all its leaves; his hair was moving as if controlled by a nearby wind. Lily mimicked Rachel's apprehensive look, and book shuffling she had seen this morning. Watching this, James Potter reached out and grabbed the books Lily was carrying, with his long branch-like limbs.

"I can manage," Lily insisted, but it was no use. James pretended like he didn't hear her, and began walking with her towards the Great Hall.

Lily took it all in her stride. This happened every now and then, whenever she was alone – or sometimes with friends, which made it worse. James Potter was a charmer, and at sixteen, he had grown into his long face, uncooperative hair, and lanky figure. Today, his hair was particularly ruffled; Lily guessed he had skived off a lesson (most probably divination, which he took for a laugh), and had gone out on his broom.

"Hogwarts History, huh? I wonder why you'll want this..." he said, knowgly.

"I see the summer break hasn't made you any less nosey…or shorter," she remarked, absentmindedly. Lily attempted to look away from him, but it was more nerve-wracking, and she decided that at least if he was under her nose, she knew what he was doing.

"You wouldn't be playing detective now, would you Evans?" he chuckled, heartedly.

"No," she lied. She wishing he hadn't taken her books. There would be no getting them back until they were sitting down. While others may have found his act sweet and generous, all Lily wanted was her books back. It sounded silly, but she didn't want people to think that she needed someone to carry things for her. She knew every passer-by would know that James was holding her books; James Potter never carried so many books; heck, Lily doubted if he had ever checked one out of the library in his six years here.

"No, I suppose you could just ask your friend Reynolds how one gets in and out of the castle. Or you could ask me."

"I'll take the former," she said, turning her head to watch where they were walking. "I'm not playing detective." _But you're playing on my last nerve_ , she felt like adding.

"Then you'll have time to come to have dinner with me? We can play not-playing-detectives together."

"Thanks, but I already have plans," she lied. "Anyway, Catherine has just been attacked. We should be taking this seriously, Potter."

"Oh, it's seriousness you want, is it? You should only have asked. You see, I thought you were getting enough of it from McGonagall, and Dumbledore, and your ministry-working boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend," she insisted.

"But he wants to be, doesn't he, Evans." he teased. Lily watched as his lip slowly curled into a sly grin. When Lily said nothing, and only turned away, unable to stare at his grin any longer, James spluttered out a laugh.

"It's really none of your business, you know," persisted Lily, but it was no use. James was still grinning.

"Okay then, Evans. Fair call. It bodes better for me if I don't know anyway. Crushed ego, and all of that. You know how it is." With that, James passed Lily her books back, did a small curtsy, and sped ahead of her into the great hall for dinner.

"Potter up to his old tricks?" Marlene said, as a greeting, as Lily took a seat next to her friends.

"Old and new," Lily replied, as she helped herself to a bread roll.

"What did he do this time?" Rachel asked, taking a sip of water.

"Carried my books for me," said Lily, taking a seat opposite her friends.

"That bastard!" Rachel exclaimed, in a mocked tone. "No wonder none of us can find a man around here. They don't carry our books, and we get mad, and when we do, the feminist inside of us slips out like an evil spirit and shuns anyone who tries to lighten our load."

* * *

Lily's lips were almost raw by the time she broke apart from Brian Reynolds. The crisp wind that signalled the beginning of autumn tore against her battered lips as she gave them up willingly to the wind, and let Brian hold her in a few unheard of moments of peace.

"Please promise me you'll be careful," he begged, as he pulled her closer still so their noses grazed together. "It's the only way I'm going to be able to leave."

Brian's concerns, Lily knew, were just. Brian Reynolds to most around Hogwarts, used to be known as the kind, and handsome, Hufflepuff Quidditch Captain that almost beat James Potter to the quidditch world cup – a fact that Lily knew, made Potter's blood boil. Now, however, Brian Reynolds was known as the friendly, extremely good-looking muggle-born student advisor who worked at the Ministry under the division of muggle and squib rights. Brian had gone straight out of his Quidditch jersey and into Ministry robes.

His job was to go round on behalf of the Ministry and educate muggle-born students and their families about the wizarding world. He then followed up on all the muggle born students regularly in their first few weeks at Hogwarts. When he'd explained all this to Lily when she'd run into him at the end of last year, she was thrilled. What a brilliant idea.

However, at that moment, Lily's mind was not focused on whatever concerns Brian had. She gazed at him, and his eyes screamed back boyfriend. Boyfriend. Boyfriend. They were only…seeing each other. They'd seen each other all summer, but it wasn't anything serious.

Brian kissed her passionately again, and cupped her face in his hands. "I wish we had of done this when I was at school with you."

Lily had run into him in what could only be described as a very eventful Hogsmeade trip at the end of last year. Marlene and Rachel had insisting on going to celebrate the end of classes (despite the fact that they had exams in a week). It was supposed to be their last Hogsmeade visit of the year, and everyone was going. The girls had ended up in the three broomsticks and had meet up with Alice and a few other Gryffindor girls. Lily had met Brian when she went to get another drink. Perhaps it had been the high spirits of the occasion, or maybe someone had spiked her butterbur, but before she knew it, Lily was sitting down at Brian's booth, and didn't remerged until it was time to leave Hogsmeade.

"To tell you the truth, I always thought you were a bit out of my league," admitted Brian, sheepishly, as he pulled away. He chuckled as Lily punched him lightly in the shoulder.

"Maybe I thought the same about you," she said, with a laugh.

"Yeah – that, and after I heard about what happened to your fifth year boyfriend – what was his name? Travis? – I wasn't too keen to get involved!"

Travis Buckley had broken up with Lily shortly after Potter had, unknown to him, made his entire uniform transparent for an entire day.

"You disappoint me," she teased. "I wouldn't have thought you'd let something like Potter get in the way?"

"Well, if I knew how good this was back then," he muttered, kissing her again, "I wouldn't let mountains get in the way."

"Good to know," Lily breathed against him. She finally uncoiled herself, and held both his hands. "Well, if it's any help to you, Potter's calmed down a bit since fifth year. It's a shame really, I always liked winding him up."

"You did?" laughed Brian.

"Well, I have to get my kicks somewhere, don't I?" she replied, winking.

"Is it wrong I almost feel sorry for the bloke?"

"Yes," she assured, grinning most profoundly. Lily gave him one last hug, and watched as Brian left. Lily knew the routine; he would stay the night in his Hogsmeade flat, before apprating off first thing in the morning to go back to the office, and slowly, as he put it, "make the magical world a better place – one muggle born at a time".

She was just about to turn and head back inside, and find some lip balm, when Brian's loud returning footsteps stopped her.

"Lily..." he called. She spun around, and raised her eyebrows to enquire. "Can I leave you with a thought?"

"Sure," she said. All of Brian's ideas were interesting.

"…Uh, have you thought about going…going steady?"

"Steady?"

"Yeah…I've been thinking. It would be nice to call you my girlfriend," he explained. When Lily's brows arched even higher, and her mouth froze, Brian only shrugged, as if he'd asked about the weather, or the brand of her cardigan. "Something to think about, okay?"


End file.
